Nonconformist Chronicles

Church Growth Myths

I once believed that if a congregation wasn’t growing that it must be doing something wrong. If the right changes were made surely any church could explode with growth and vitality. I’ve since come to think that there are no guaranteed formulas and I’ve observed situations that have destroyed both my theories and those of the church growth “experts” whose books I used to follow like blueprints. I once believed that if a church wasn’t growing that it was likely due to one of the following:

1) We’re not Progressive Enough – I’ve known of too many congregations that have seen a mass exodus out the door because they added progressive elements. A praise team (or band), a Christmas tree in the foyer, a more public role for women, the replacement of Sunday evening service with small groups, and a host of other changes haven’t brought the growth some churches thought it would. I’m not saying I’d be against every one of the changes listed above in any circumstance, but if we think that cosmetic changes, more perceived cultural relevance, or parting with long held traditions is going to make us grow, we might have another thing coming. We may only lose the members we have who are uncomfortable with said changes. If you’re a mega church you might be able to lose a few members in the hopes of gaining more, but in a small congregation we just cannot afford to routinely offend people and expect the institution to remain solvent. I’m not saying the preservation of the institution at all costs is necessarily biblical. I’m just saying that transforming a church into the mold you like better is no guarantee for growth.

2) We’re not Evangelistic Enough – As a young preacher, over two decades ago, I was knocking on doors making cold calls, showing evangelistic film strips, grading correspondence courses, spearheading campaigns, writing newspaper articles, submitting advertising, and studying the Bible with anyone who would give me 45 minutes. My zeal had ebbed and flowed, but is currently doing well. My methods, however, have changed. I once believed that a flurry of activity and intense follow-up were the keys to retaining visitors and new converts. Follow-up is still good, but I’ve been involved in huge coordinated, and well-executed, follow-up efforts that did not result in the retention of any new long term members. Maybe (and I’m speculating) the problem is that you just cannot program evangelism. Maybe our approach to people has to be genuine, not in any way mechanical, personal, and with some spontaneity thrown in. Churches, I think, grow better at a more casual pace than through one big event intended to turn everything upside down overnight. In fact, those events might have an opposite effect, destroying the morale of church members when the expected results don’t materialize. I tend to think that if enough church members have an authentic relationship with Jesus that it might just spill over to people they encounter.

3) We’re not Spiritual Enough – My motto used to be that if we just grow spiritually that we will grow numerically. So efforts were made to overhaul the education program. Get people through the Bible in four years, build up the church library, recruit prayer warriors to pray for church growth every day for six months, and increase fellowship through a myriad of new programs. While I do believe that a more spiritual congregation has a better shot at genuine growth, I’m not sure spirituality, like evangelism, is something that can be successfully programmed church-wide. Yes, we should make deliberate efforts to feed the sheep a balanced diet. But there is often no correlation between spirituality and big numbers. Some rather large congregations have some pretty shallow teaching, while some very spiritual people are in some very small churches.

4) Our Preacher Isn’t Dynamic Enough – Yet another theory bites the dust. I’ve known of churches with a pretty low key introvert in the pulpit but were nevertheless large and seemingly healthy. I’ve also known some evangelistic fireballs who could have made a living at motivational speaking whose congregations couldn’t seem to break the 200 member barrier.

5) We’re not Community-Minded Enough – I’ve seen churches serve in the soup lines, do community service projects, and house the homeless, but still not grow. Some have thought that opening their building to blood drives, daycare, voting, scouts, and support groups will somehow break down barriers and make people feel comfortable enough to start coming to church. Here is one of the most widespread, but disproven, myths. Just getting people into your building will not attract them to your church.

So the bottom line to all this is that there really isn’t a magical formula for church growth. There is a host of variables—everything from demographics, to location, to theology, and on it goes. But I think that a church is most likely to grow when a good core of the membership is using their unique gifts to serve God and his kingdom. Everyone is doing what he or she can do best as opposed to trying to fit into a mold for which they are ill-suited. This goes for “staff-members” as much as anyone. Just some thoughts.    

Thoughts On Church Growth

Nothing encourages a preacher like the regular addition of newcomers to the congregation. Recurring visitors and new members may come through baptism, birth, marriage, transfers from elsewhere, university students, and locals checking out the church. I’m overjoyed to say that we’ve lately had all of the above where I preach. I must ask what draws some of these folks to keep coming back. It shouldn’t surprise me that some might find our church attractive since I would attend here even if I weren’t the preacher (I haven’t been able to say that in every place I’ve been). I think the loving reception visitors find here is the biggest reason they come back.

I’d like to think the leadership here, including me, is doing something right by showing a genuine interest in people and committing to being there for them. If we’re doing something right, I want to know about it. I sometimes ask recurring visitors or new members what it is that has kept them here. Many say that it’s our commitment to Scripture. Others say they get a lot out of the preaching, which I try to take with a grain of salt when someone says it to me, but when it comes through the grapevine I wonder if maybe some of my grueling mental labor is paying off. I also believe the elders are true shepherd-leaders who are more than apt to teach. None of them fall into the extremes of legalism or liberalism. All are intense students of the Word.

Moreover, if someone is looking for a Church of Christ here in northwest Ohio that is a cappella, not King James only, mainline as opposed to non-institutional, neither legalistic, nor progressive—then we’re pretty much it for a good number of miles in any direction. Our average attendance has held fairly consistent through most of this year in spite of all the newcomers. A lot of people are in and out here—traveling and so forth. Not until I see the average attendance consistently increase can I safely say that we are growing.

I once believed, as a younger and more naïve minister, that if a church wasn’t growing that it must be doing something wrong. I thought that if we just hit upon the right formula, or inserted the right key, or discovered the right combination—then presto!—growth would be assured. I no longer believe that and in my next post I’ll share some of the things I once believed were keys to church growth, but have since come to realize are not guarantees. Some could even be a hindrance depending upon your location and demographic. So many factors play into whether a congregation grows that I don’t think there is a secret formula or master key. I also think we tend to leave God out of the picture forgetting who it is that really gives the increase.

Play to Your Strengths

By the time you've been a minister for over two decades, as I have, you've probably done just about every aspect of ministry. Here is just a sampling of things I've tried:

- Preaching

- Teaching

- Writing

- Evangelism

- Visitation

- Youth Ministry (teaching, counseling, church camp)

- Song Leading

- Worship coordinating

- Education Director

- Curriculum Coordinator

- Supervision of interns, missionaries, and other staff

- Church relations

- VBS actor

- Benevolence

- Administration

- Community Relations

- Coffee House Booking Agent

- Police Chaplain

- Homeless Shelter Volunteer

- Librarian

- Advertising

- Legal Liaison

- Media Promotion

-  Bulletin writer and editor

- Transportation

- Poverty Outreach

- Technological Generalist

- Spiritual Director

- Fund Raising

- Event Planning

- Wedding Officiant

- Funeral Officiant

- Social Work

- Counseling

- Physical Labor (mover, painter, light construction)

 - Social Prophet

- Resident Philosopher

Ministers typically wear many hats and it goes with the territory. As I've gotten older, however, I've come to realize which of the above areas are my strong suits and which ones leave me spinning my wheels in a desperate attempt to just gain some traction. 

I once thought I could become great at all of the above. I especially admired evangelists who were so outgoing they could strike up a conversation with the person at the next gas pump, steer the conversation toward Jesus, all being natural without a hint of phoniness, sometimes even resulting in a conversion. I'm not that guy and I spent years kicking myself for not being that guy. I've also admired those who have a natural rapport with teens and college age people. I've made close friends with folks in those categories, but I'm better in one-on-one settings than as a youth leader per se. I've also admired those whose leadership skills allow them to take charge of a project, mobilize volunteers, and see it through to completion. That's not me either.

I've wasted time in the past trying to be good at all these things and being self-critical for not being good at all of it. I've since read a book called Now, Discover Your Strengths which was a real eye-opener for me. See, it's possible to spend far too much time trying to improve in my areas of weakness when I could be far more effective by capitalizing on and honing my strengths. The church is a diverse body with a variety of gifts. I now leave the event coordinating, camp counseling, and cold call evangelism to those who are better at these things than me. 

If I haven't managed to identify my strengths in over 20 years, it's a hopeless cause. Having identified those strengths, they're where I now spend the bulk of my time. When I posted a listing that led to my current job, I made no pretenses about my being primarily a Bible teacher. That is how I would define myself above all else. A congregation that wouldn't be happy with a minister spending a bulk of his time and effort in this area would not be happy with me.

I once naively believed that a good Bible teacher is what most churches wanted in a minister. I have since learned that some couldn't seem to care less about it. They have put their trust in personality, pizzaz, and the next big event, refusing to believe that faith (and true church growth) still comes from hearing the word of God.

There are, of course, a number of things on the above list that I do fairly well, but others that I choose to either avoid or delegate as much as possible since for me to do them would be a terrible waste of a human resource. Not that I'd be opposed as a pinch-hitter, but not long term. I have learned, for example, to largely stay away from handy work such as dry wall and painting as much as possible. I'll help on a short term project, like adopting a camp cabin that everyone works on, but I'm not going to remodel the church building or help someone partition off rooms in their house. Others are far better at these things and they're the ones who should be doing them. Nor will I be next quarter's fourth grade teacher or next Wednesday's song leader.

I've also learned to shy away from doing many weddings or funerals. I used to accept every one that came along, but now I limit myself mainly to members of the congregation. Rarely are these events of much evangelistic worth and my time is better spent elsewhere.

So I'll continue to focus on my preaching, teaching, writing, some light administration, visiting, spiritual guidance, and community involvement. Someone else can lead the songs, plan the hayrides, teach the kids, hang the dry wall, and head hunt for teachers. My time is better spent with what I do best.

So if you're a minister and the hiring congregation most admires gifts that won't allow you to prioritize your strengths, then don't go there.    

Dealing with Critics

Ministers have critics. You're not going to be everyone's cup of tea. Not everyone will like how you do your job. Some won't even like you as a person. I've had difficulties coming to terms with this over the years, but I have resigned myself to it. To be frank, it's always puzzled me as to why some people wouldn't like me. I think I'm a likeable guy. I've never been out to intentionally hurt anyone, to promote myself, or to cause discord in a church. I've always done what I felt was right, preached what I thought was true, and put my heart and sweat into my work. But some personalities mix like oil and water, so each of us manage to repel some while attracting others, often through no fault of our own.

So in ministry you must face the reality that not everyone will be your fan. There will usually be someone at each congregation in whose eyes you can do nothing right. If you say something is down, your critic will say it is up. If you say something is black, your critic will say that it's white. It's like this person's mission in life is to oppose you. There has been one of those at almost every church where I have preached, but they've fortunately never seemed to be the majority. As one of my favorite preachers once addressed a congregation, "Some of you may be here because of me and some of you are here in spite of me." You must learn to accept this reality in ministry, as well as the fact that a good number won't even care who is in the pulpit. But here are some perspectives for dealing with critics: 

1) Be Yourself, Because You Can't Please Everybody

I've always been intrigued by the fact that I'm both commended and criticized for the same things by different people. For example, I've been told by progressives that my preaching is too closely tied to the text, while conservatives have charged that my sermons don't have enough Scripture. Progressives have said my preaching needs to be supplemented with video clips, drama, and other innovations, while conservatives have said that I have too many illustrations from history, popular culture, books & articles, and personal experience. I was told that one critic's family found it refreshing to visit other churches where the ministers "just preach the Bible."  Some have said I spent too much time in the office while others have complained that when they've called or came by I was difficult to catch.

The moral of that story is that you cannot please everyone and don't even try.

2) Consider the Source

There really is such a thing as constructive criticism, which doesn't always make it easier to take, but sometimes you'll need it. I'll admit that I'm initially defensive, even when approached with a needed criticism, but upon reflection I try to find at least a grain of truth. I want to know about my mispronunciations, any annoying pulpit mannerisms, or when I've unintentionally offended someone.

My current elders are the best at offering critique in the form of suggestion as opposed to sounding critical. I always try to comply.

I once was present with a family who was gathered around the death bed of a loved one. The room was grand central station and there just never seemed a good time to call things to order and offer a prayer. I left without leading a prayer and the elders caught wind of it from an offended party. It was suggested to me that people do expect that and it really goes with the territory. Upon reflection, I realize that I should have taken charge of the situation and acted like God's representative. I usually do, but that day I just wasn't in top form for some reason or other. 

A suggestion from another elder was that I use "big words" with less frequency. So I have stopped using superfluous words like "superfluous."

If a suggestion, or criticism, comes from the elders or another committed and spiritually mature member, I am more apt to take it seriously than if it comes from a nominal member or someone whose approach is not very Christ-like. If the critic is someone who is consistently critical of my work, with little or nothing positive to say most of the time, I usually take that person's opinion with a grain of salt. I have little patience for chronic complainers. Right or wrong, I typically stop listening at all since the person will never be pleased. 

3) Realize that you can only Change so Much

Now in my late 40s, I am basically the person I'm going to be. While I should always make an effort at being a lifelong learner, repentant sinner, and a more effective preaching minister, here's the deal: My basic personality pretty much is what it is. Not that some quirks cannot stand alteration, but I'm basically the person I'm going to be and I cannot be anyone else.

My preaching style is probably not going to change that much. I'm not going to switch from expository to topical or from the NIV to the KJV in order to please a critic. My basic approach to ministry and how I prioritize tasks is not likely to change either. My basic theology is not likely to change since decades of intense study and experience have formed who I am. Yet I still reserve the right to change my mind.

Some critics will never be pleased unless you either become a different person or reinvent yourself so drastically that you'll be miserable. Even if you changed completely the critics will still gripe because that is their mission in life. In fact. my harshest critics through the years have typically been the most critical of my predecessors and successors based on our comparison of notes. Some people, in the words of one of my friends, are just "preacher devouring machines."

You cannot live to please your critics. Don't even try.  

It's Not a Career

I once thought of ministry as a career. But careers are largely about upward mobility. They're about moving up the ladder and being rewarded with more authority, more perks, and more pay.

A Bible College professor once told his class of future preachers that if they kept working toward that big church then someday they would get there. This was bad advice, as if a big church is more prestigious in the kingdom than a small one. Last time I checked the kingdom was not about prestige, but more akin to downward mobility after the manner of Christ. 

The attitude of waiting for that big church leads ministers to view churches as stepping stones on the way to some higher and greater earthly position. I once bought into this believing that my service to smaller congregations amounted to paying my dues. But I always thought it would lead to something "greater."

I dreamed of that big, multi-staff church where my gifts could really be used to their fullest. There I could be more of a specialist as I focused on what I did best while retiring many of the hats I wore in smaller congregations. I reasoned that a multi-staff church could benefit my family by being able to afford group health insurance.

By the time I was 41, 42, and 43-years-old I went through a serious bout with mid-life crisis. I felt like a failure. Nearly two decades of experience and a Master's degree had not propelled me to where I thought I would be by this point in my life. Church members would tell me how great I was and I believed them. Some asked why I was preaching for such a small congregation when a guy like me could excel to much loftier heights. It went to my head.

But when I started applying to larger congregations I found that they didn't want me. They wanted pizzaz, flare, innovation, management skills, and an Activities Director. I thought I could be all those things and still focus on my scholarship, writing, and one-on-one people time, all of which remain my strengths. Since I had so much to offer, in my not-so-humble opinion, why didn't anyone want me?

I eventually made a lateral move with my family across the country to a church that was not any bigger, but far more progressive. I thought that progressive was the key to church growth, assuming that everyone was as sick of legalism as I was. What I learned is that the grass isn't greener on the progressive side of the fence. In many respects, it is just as dead. The progressives talk a good game about loving the masses of faceless poor and marginalized people, but they are often challenged, like many of us, when it comes to loving the brother in front of them. Moreover, Scripture is not typically held in the highest of esteem, attendance is largely optional, and giving is pitiful.  

I had jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. I was the object of constant criticism by some and outright contempt by others. Though I still think a majority liked me, the ones who didn't want me there made it abundantly clear on a regular basis. In all fairness, I did bring some baggage with me that was admittedly a distraction. I also found it difficult to deliver on the "campaign promises" of being everything to everyone. But I cannot take all the blame. The constant psychological beating I received only compounded my personal problems and made them worse. I would bring my frustrations home to family which was no good for a marriage that had already been too neglected due in part to all the major changes.

After nine months I was almost relieved to be fired, although it led to the loss of our life savings. To the [designated] leadership's credit, I received three months severance and was afforded the closure of being able to address the congregation prior to my departure. This showed great confidence in my integrity for which I'll always be grateful. We were also assured that the door remained opened and we were always welcome. I did not intend to disappear, but later thought it best for my family and the congregation that we move on. So we did, which turned out for the best since we made great friends at another area congregation.

So I had three months severance, which is more than most employers would have given. But anyone who has looked for a ministry job knows that it's hardly enough time to find one. Five months later I was working a day job in the suburbs while preaching at yet another regional congregation who was without a full time minister. Four months after that, I was preaching full time again.

I learned a lot about myself through those experiences and I learned a lot about my relationship with God. I learned how to take joy in at least something each day, no matter how seemingly small. I don't need a fancy car, a lot of money, or even a job to go hiking with my family or to enjoy a cheap menu item from a drive-thru. I learned to trust God in a way I never had before. He does have a great track record.

It wasn't until I finally learned to pray for God to send me wherever he wanted me that I could be content. I no longer care about going to a big church and I probably wouldn't like the politics (I'm not very political). I'd also assume that such a position would place a great deal of pressure on the minister as figurehead of the institution. So this is no longer a position I covet and moreover it would probably not fit my unique skill set (which I'll address in a later post). I don't think I could ever be "commercial" enough to be comfortable in that setting. (If I were in a 70s rock band, it would be more like Yes, Kansas, or ELP than one of the top 40 groups. If that analogy doesn't resonate with you, don't worry about it).

One of the most important things I learned in what I've been through is that ministry is not a career. In ministry there are no promotions, or pensions, and very few perks or bonuses. Most of my perks through the years have come through generous professionals who've provided services like free eye care or dental care. So some of this balances out. 

I once resented the fact that people of comparable education and experience levels made far more than the preacher. Are secular employers more sensitive than churches? Does the preacher's family not deserve as good a vehicle, health insurance, and vacations as Joe Member who works at the credit union? It's not that the church cannot afford to do better. Judging from the cars in a middle class church parking lot on any given Sunday, the houses members live in, and the vacations they take, people could give enough for the preacher to live a comparable standard of living. Elders often want to do better, but the contribution doesn't give them enough to work with.

So I've just come to realize that in a fallen world the price tags have definitely been switched. People place greater value on entertaining themselves and having the latest and greatest toys than they do in supporting those who bring the bread of life to them. Folks spend hundreds of dollars supporting their favorite musicians and athletes while the minster's kids cannot afford to go to the dentist. Did I mention that I once resented this arrangement? It's ironic that in some of those "evil denominations," that aren't even supposed to be real churches, preachers have more perks and greater job security. Go figure! 

Okay, I'll admit that some of these things still bother me, but only slightly, and not nearly as much as they once did. Maybe I've learned to lower my expectations that even most Christians will ever place the most value on the things of greatest importance. So if you want to climb the corporate ladder go to business school, but not Bible college. If, on the other hand, you decide to be a teacher, minister, or social worker then you'd better do it because it's your calling and passion---not because you want to feel secure. Our only security is in God anyway.

Now don't get me wrong. I am far from being at a place in my life where I am bitter about anything. Life is too short. I'm actually in a pretty good place right now. The elders have set my salary as generously as possible. All of our family's needs are met and I have every confidence that in the event of an emergency that the church would come through for us. Plus, I get to do what I love. I get to live my passion every day and get paid for it. How many people can say that?

I don't have a supervisor breathing down my neck or berating me for having clocked in thirty seconds late. If I go to lunch with someone and talk for three hours, no big deal. I typically get to set my own schedule. My job has enough variety that if I'm tired of the office I can go do something else. And if people get irritating (a purely hypothetical possibility) then I can retreat to the office. Since I'm the only full time employee there are no office politics, except when I argue with myself.

Ministry is not a career. It's a way of life. You're left with no alternative but to rely heavily upon God, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Most ministers, I would guess, are underpaid and under-appreciated. But the greatest reward is in the next age. Whether we get a literal mansion or a trailer makes no difference to me. What really matters is getting to be with Jesus. When you decide that being with Jesus, even now, is what matters more than anything else in the world, you have embarked upon the path to contentment.                       

Contentment in Ministry

It takes some of us ministers many years before we're finally content with what we do and where we are doing it. Some will unfortunately live angry and frustrated lives throughout their years of ministry. This need not be the case.

Contentment in ministry should not be confused with complacency. By contentment, I don't mean that I am content to stop growing spiritually, intellectually, or even vocationally. I don't mean that I am unconcerned with the spiritual formation of others. I'm not content to just slide through life and leave everything exactly as I found it. I want to be a force for good wherever I am. So I'm not talking about biding my time until retirement. Nor would I ever be content to retire from ministry, which is more than just a job.

By contentment I mean getting to a place where I'm no longer overly self-conscious, self-willed, selfishly ambitious (Phil. 2:3), or apologetic for being me. Reaching these goals are admittedly easier at a congregation like the one I currently serve. Here I am allowed, and even encouraged, to play to my strengths. I don't have the nagging feeling that someone is always trying to remake me into one's own personal vision of the ideal minister. That being said, however, I think my transformation over the years (especially the last four to five) might have as much to do with me as with my surroundings.

I've simply chosen to stop being angry, frustrated, and overly self-critical. Such traits are demoralizing and paralyzing. Any church will afford ample opportunity for a minister to fall into such patterns, but life is too short for that. To be driven by criticism, idealism, or ambition means you're heading for a train wreck. So over the next few posts I'll be sharing some "Keys to Contentment in Ministry." The following topics will be addressed:

1) Stop thinking of Ministry as a Career        

2) Don't Live to Appease Your Critics

3) Play to Your Strengths

If you have additional topics to add to this list, I'd be happy to consider writing about those as well. Stay tuned for more very soon.   

Ministering to the Mismatched

Suppose you are acquainted with a couple in which one spouse is a Christian and the other is not. What is the best way to serve this couple? Here are some common sense suggestions:

1) Ministry to the Believing Spouse. Everyone needs a mentor, or at least a comrade, to whom one can vent, cry, or say anything that's on their heart. If you find yourself filling that role for a spiritually single Christian, remember to be objective. As the Strobels suggest in their book, do not create a situation in which it seems that you and the believing spouse are allied against the unbeliever. Be careful to not always side with the believer if she shares a marital disagreement with you. Be careful to point out the positive virtues of the unbelieving spouse. You don't want to create more discord in an already difficult marriage.  

But do not overcompensate in the other direction, where it appears that you always side with the unbeliever. Simply try to be objective. Sometimes it's most important to just listen and not even take a side.

2) Ministry to the Unbelieving Spouse. A relationship with any lost person should have the ultimate hope of leading that person to Christ. But don't come across as if the unbeliever is your pet evangelism project. Start a relationship on common ground--a common hobby, collection, favorite sport, children's' activities, or something like that. Always be alert to ways you can put in a good word for Jesus, but don't get into any relationship with ulterior motives in mind. Insincerity is conspicuous from a mile away.

Do not triangulate by putting the believing spouse in the middle so you can go after the unbeliever. Do not drop by the couple's home without first making sure it's okay. If you have nothing in common with the unbeliever, introduce this person to believers who do share some common ground with him.

3) Do not Treat the Spiritually Single as Second Class Citizens. It seems to be a couple's world, even in the church. It is difficult for singles (and the spiritually single) to fit in. Be sure to always leave the door open to opportunities for involvement. Do not assume that the spiritually single spouse would not be interested or available for a particular ministry because of their situation. It may be the case, but don't assume it. Treat these folks like anybody else. If you're in the position of planning church functions, include activities that are not exclusively couples oriented.

4) Do not Judge. "You have no idea what I have to put up with" is a common lament I hear from spiritually single people. They have a tough row to hoe and church members can make it worse by judging the believing spouse on the basis of sporadic church attendance, limited program involvement, or low giving patterns. This could all be symptoms of one living with an unbeliever.

Don't assume that the spiritually single person is simply using the unbelieving spouse as a convenient excuse for non-involvement. But as I said before, most of the spiritually single would love to be more involved and nothing would make them happier than a spouse converting to Christ. What follows are the words of an e-mail correspondent in response to this series who knows what it's like to be spiritually single and who shall remain anonymous. I use this with permission:

I would say that the best way to support spiritually single women is to develop and maintain a personal relationship with her. Tell her that God cares about her. Show her that your church cares about her. Encourage, encourage , encourage. Don't blame her or condemn her, or guilt her for her relationship with a man she loves who is an unbeliever. The kind words you share with her will be an encouragement during the dark moments she may experience.

Coping with the Stress of Transition

Transitions in life can take you beyond your stress thresh-hold. In Roy Oswald's book New Beginnings: A Pastorate Start Up Workbook part of his advice to ministers in a new work regards coping with the stress of transition. While some of the advice may be unique to ministers, much of it can apply to anyone.

In addition to moving, injury, and changes in job, financial status, or living conditions, stress is also produced by changes in marital status, the death of a loved one, retirement, celebration of holidays, a new addition to the family, or even by an outstanding personal achievement. You might need some coping strategies if any of this has been among your recent experience.

So what follows are coping strategies from Oswald, embellished by Yours Truly, and in no particular order: 

1) Don't make more radical changes. Having just been through a major transition, this is not a good time to start a new diet, change your sleeping patterns, or enroll for a university course. Give yourself some recovery time before launching into anything new. 

2) Be good to yourself. Now there is a difference between being good to yourself and self-indulgence. The latter can destroy your health, while the former can preserve your sanity. So take in a movie, have a favorite desert, or read for recreation. 

3) Stabilize the Family Structure. Follow up a major transition by spending more and not less time with family. You will not not function well if they have difficulty adjusting. Family rituals are one way to help with stability. In our family, we observe a weekly "popcorn-and-a-movie" night. It's usually Friday, but is sometimes made up on Saturday. Each week we watch something "family friendly." It might be Don Knotts, Shirley Temple, Roy Rogers, or Jerry Lewis. But we do this religiously even if we're in a motel with a portable DVD player and microwave popcorn. 

4) Exercise. Having a foot in two towns I've fallen down on this one, but I've taken some small steps lately. I recently stopped by Wal-Mart and bought a basketball. While I could spend my work breaks indulging in more caffeine, I now go out to the church parking lot and take a "hoops break." It's a real stress reliever. A two mile walk in the evening doesn't hurt either. 

5) Have a Support System. Keep up with friends by e-mail or telephone. Find some members of the church family in whom you can confide. With ministers it is often safer if those support systems are out-of-town (at least at first). I once heard a wise man compare a preacher who expects his needs to be met by the congregation to a doctor who expects his needs to be met by his patients. While some mutual ministry will likely happen, a minister is not there so the church can minister to him. He is there to minister to the church.

6) Ease into things. As Oswald states, it is tempting to bust a gut in the first six months of ministry until you settle into a routine. Avoid this temptation. Your first order of business is to get to know the members of the congregation. Know their needs. Know where they live. Visit them on their own turf, invite people over, and have lunch with the heads of the households. If I had past ministries to do over, I would have done far more of this sooner as I am doing now.  

Oswald states that in the first few months you are little more than lover and historian. It is not the time to initiate new programs or make sweeping reforms. Get to know folks individually and learn how the congregation functions as a group. 

7) Spend your first Sunday in the pew as a visitor. My current position is the only church where I have been able to do that. It gave me an opportunity to view the congregation through the eyes of a visitor. And I'm glad I did since I heard a great sermon on Habakkuk and just what I needed at the time. 

8) If possible, take some time between transitions. It was healthy for me to take a vacation between my ministries in Illinois and Kansas. And it was healthy to have time off from the ministry before beginning my latest job. Preaching a farewell sermon one Sunday and a sermon at your new congregation the next does not allow any recovery time.      

So there you are. Preacher or not, I hope some of this is helpful.           

Transitions and Stress

Here I am, posting as infrequently as ever. But as always I'm asking that you not give up on me. There is a reason for the infrequency.

Our family has been in transition for over two years now. Having started a new work in January, I am currently re-reading Roy Oswald's New Beginnings: A Pastorate Start Up Workbook published by the Alban Institute (while I believe this book may be out of print, there are others like it if you do a search of Oswald's name on Amazon). The first few chapters offer advice for coping with transitions and the next several deal with starting well in a new ministry. 

In regard to transitions, Oswald says that we are only able to tolerate so much change in our lives. If too little is familiar or predictable we risk getting sick, or even dying. The book includes a stress inventory listing several events which are said to produce individual stress reactions. The reader is assigned a score for every event listed that has occurred in one's life over the past twelve months. Here is a very small sampling from the list:

• personal injury
• forced out of last church (I assume this means fired)
• job change
• change in financial state
• change in living conditions
• change in residence
• change in schools

Again, this is just a small sampling of the list and each of those items listed above is something that has affected our family over the last twelve months. So have many other things on the list. Oswald says that a score of over 200 means you might be dangerously close to your stress threshold level. My score was 560. 

If by the end of 2009, we manage to sell our house and buy a new one, then all of the following will have happened to us over a two-year time period.

• I was in chiropractic care for several months due to a rear-ending auto accident. Gretchen was just released from therapy after an ice skating accident in December.
• Over the last two years I have had four different jobs, in two fields, in four cities.
• By the end of this year we will probably have moved four times in two years and lived in three cities.

But here is the good part. I'm not under a great deal of stress right now (and I'm not in denial). The leadership of the church to where I'm transitioning has been very patient as we gradually move. It's a lot easier when your new job is within driving distance of your home and within the same state. 

The stress of moving over a thousand miles to another state and the adverse effect this can have on marriage and health is something only those who have done it can possibly imagine. And I'm not talking about a move to or from college which is in a whole different category. I'm talking about an established life that is uprooted and relocated. 

But the whole experience has just confirmed to me how uncertain life is and that nothing can be taken for granted. It has forced me to finally get to a place where I can trust God like I never have before. Does this mean I'm glad all this stuff happened or that I somehow see it as God's plan? Absolutely not! Much of what we've experienced should never have happened. Nor should Joseph have been sold into slavery by his brothers, but it all worked out for good as our situation has and will continue to do so.

In my next post I'll mention some coping strategies that have proved helpful to those undergoing life transitions. I would have done better to apply these strategies more in previous transitions, but this time I am and they are working for me.

A New Job!!!

I am very thankful this holiday season. I've been offered a full time preaching position with the church where I've been filling the pulpit this Fall. I had already preached there about seven times when they made the offer. So we might get in the Guinness Book for the longest job interview on record. We've actually been talking since July. So by now we should know each other well enough to make this work.

The church has a lot going for it including biblically based elders, committed deacons, a nice facility, and a really good number in the youth group for a congregation this size. We'll also have a greater number of peers than we've had in some previous works, with several couples within our age range who are still raising their kids. The town is neither too big, nor too small.

Another great thing about this opportunity is that it's just about ninety minutes  from our house (sometimes less depending on traffic). So this will be the shortest move I've made from one city to another in my adult life. We won't have to change our driver's licenses, bank accounts, Gretchen's teaching certificate, or Justin's charter school. 

The close proximity also allows me to get my office set up before going full time in January. I'll be taking some books and files up over the next several days. So I won't have the distractions of filing papers and shelving books while getting to know people in the congregation. I'm already studying the membership directory and putting together a tentative sermon calendar.

So I'll remain part-time through the remainder of the year while enjoying the holidays with my family. After that it is back to full time work. I am so ready! 

Thanks to all who have prayed for us, have shared job leads, or have continued to check in on this blog even when it was a long time between posts. Thanks to those who've offered words of encouragement. I'm sorry for my extended silence for so long, but I'm starting to feel like writing again. This time I mean it. So stay tuned.