Nonconformist Chronicles

Coping with the Stress of Transition

Transitions in life can take you beyond your stress thresh-hold. In Roy Oswald's book New Beginnings: A Pastorate Start Up Workbook part of his advice to ministers in a new work regards coping with the stress of transition. While some of the advice may be unique to ministers, much of it can apply to anyone.

In addition to moving, injury, and changes in job, financial status, or living conditions, stress is also produced by changes in marital status, the death of a loved one, retirement, celebration of holidays, a new addition to the family, or even by an outstanding personal achievement. You might need some coping strategies if any of this has been among your recent experience.

So what follows are coping strategies from Oswald, embellished by Yours Truly, and in no particular order: 

1) Don't make more radical changes. Having just been through a major transition, this is not a good time to start a new diet, change your sleeping patterns, or enroll for a university course. Give yourself some recovery time before launching into anything new. 

2) Be good to yourself. Now there is a difference between being good to yourself and self-indulgence. The latter can destroy your health, while the former can preserve your sanity. So take in a movie, have a favorite desert, or read for recreation. 

3) Stabilize the Family Structure. Follow up a major transition by spending more and not less time with family. You will not not function well if they have difficulty adjusting. Family rituals are one way to help with stability. In our family, we observe a weekly "popcorn-and-a-movie" night. It's usually Friday, but is sometimes made up on Saturday. Each week we watch something "family friendly." It might be Don Knotts, Shirley Temple, Roy Rogers, or Jerry Lewis. But we do this religiously even if we're in a motel with a portable DVD player and microwave popcorn. 

4) Exercise. Having a foot in two towns I've fallen down on this one, but I've taken some small steps lately. I recently stopped by Wal-Mart and bought a basketball. While I could spend my work breaks indulging in more caffeine, I now go out to the church parking lot and take a "hoops break." It's a real stress reliever. A two mile walk in the evening doesn't hurt either. 

5) Have a Support System. Keep up with friends by e-mail or telephone. Find some members of the church family in whom you can confide. With ministers it is often safer if those support systems are out-of-town (at least at first). I once heard a wise man compare a preacher who expects his needs to be met by the congregation to a doctor who expects his needs to be met by his patients. While some mutual ministry will likely happen, a minister is not there so the church can minister to him. He is there to minister to the church.

6) Ease into things. As Oswald states, it is tempting to bust a gut in the first six months of ministry until you settle into a routine. Avoid this temptation. Your first order of business is to get to know the members of the congregation. Know their needs. Know where they live. Visit them on their own turf, invite people over, and have lunch with the heads of the households. If I had past ministries to do over, I would have done far more of this sooner as I am doing now.  

Oswald states that in the first few months you are little more than lover and historian. It is not the time to initiate new programs or make sweeping reforms. Get to know folks individually and learn how the congregation functions as a group. 

7) Spend your first Sunday in the pew as a visitor. My current position is the only church where I have been able to do that. It gave me an opportunity to view the congregation through the eyes of a visitor. And I'm glad I did since I heard a great sermon on Habakkuk and just what I needed at the time. 

8) If possible, take some time between transitions. It was healthy for me to take a vacation between my ministries in Illinois and Kansas. And it was healthy to have time off from the ministry before beginning my latest job. Preaching a farewell sermon one Sunday and a sermon at your new congregation the next does not allow any recovery time.      

So there you are. Preacher or not, I hope some of this is helpful.           

Transitions and Stress

Here I am, posting as infrequently as ever. But as always I'm asking that you not give up on me. There is a reason for the infrequency.

Our family has been in transition for over two years now. Having started a new work in January, I am currently re-reading Roy Oswald's New Beginnings: A Pastorate Start Up Workbook published by the Alban Institute (while I believe this book may be out of print, there are others like it if you do a search of Oswald's name on Amazon). The first few chapters offer advice for coping with transitions and the next several deal with starting well in a new ministry. 

In regard to transitions, Oswald says that we are only able to tolerate so much change in our lives. If too little is familiar or predictable we risk getting sick, or even dying. The book includes a stress inventory listing several events which are said to produce individual stress reactions. The reader is assigned a score for every event listed that has occurred in one's life over the past twelve months. Here is a very small sampling from the list:

• personal injury
• forced out of last church (I assume this means fired)
• job change
• change in financial state
• change in living conditions
• change in residence
• change in schools

Again, this is just a small sampling of the list and each of those items listed above is something that has affected our family over the last twelve months. So have many other things on the list. Oswald says that a score of over 200 means you might be dangerously close to your stress threshold level. My score was 560. 

If by the end of 2009, we manage to sell our house and buy a new one, then all of the following will have happened to us over a two-year time period.

• I was in chiropractic care for several months due to a rear-ending auto accident. Gretchen was just released from therapy after an ice skating accident in December.
• Over the last two years I have had four different jobs, in two fields, in four cities.
• By the end of this year we will probably have moved four times in two years and lived in three cities.

But here is the good part. I'm not under a great deal of stress right now (and I'm not in denial). The leadership of the church to where I'm transitioning has been very patient as we gradually move. It's a lot easier when your new job is within driving distance of your home and within the same state. 

The stress of moving over a thousand miles to another state and the adverse effect this can have on marriage and health is something only those who have done it can possibly imagine. And I'm not talking about a move to or from college which is in a whole different category. I'm talking about an established life that is uprooted and relocated. 

But the whole experience has just confirmed to me how uncertain life is and that nothing can be taken for granted. It has forced me to finally get to a place where I can trust God like I never have before. Does this mean I'm glad all this stuff happened or that I somehow see it as God's plan? Absolutely not! Much of what we've experienced should never have happened. Nor should Joseph have been sold into slavery by his brothers, but it all worked out for good as our situation has and will continue to do so.

In my next post I'll mention some coping strategies that have proved helpful to those undergoing life transitions. I would have done better to apply these strategies more in previous transitions, but this time I am and they are working for me.

Resisting Anxiety

Many live the delusion that someday everything will be settled and secure. The dream house, the perfect marriage, and job security are all just over the horizon. The unexpected is not taken into account.

Anxiety is a very real temptation when we perceive that our security is threatened. One might feel insecure about the potential loss of a house, a job, possessions, or even a relationship. Being threatened with the loss of any one of those things might tempt one with anxiety. Having lost any one of those things might lead to anxiety about how to replace the loss. Anxiety can result when a wrong decision could lead to loss. Anxiety may result from regret over a wrong decision.  

Paul wrote, "Do not be anxious about anything" while knowing the loss of his very life was a possibility. How could Paul say this and claim to be content in spite of circumstances? (Philippians 4:6, 11). How do we resist the paralysis, worry, or panic that are characteristics of anxiety?

We must first realize that we do not find security in anything that is temporary. Since tomorrow is uncertain, there is no such thing as job security. Most do not keep the same job until retirement. One statistic says that the average person will change careers at least twice in a lifetime. Even if you don't change careers, you will likely change jobs.  

Nor can we find security in possessions. As Jesus said, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal" (Matthew 6:19-20).  Worldly possessions are fragile and vulnerable to the elements. They are not dependable. Many have lost their possessions to fire, theft, or natural disaster. Others have lost houses due to foreclosure, transfer, or job loss. Yet many have survived and moved on.  

Suppose that one has anxiety about having to leave a house. This might be tempered by the realization that our earthly dwellings are temporary. We won't keep our houses forever. Our senior years may force downsizing or relocation to a long term care facility. Our homes will finally be left to others who will sort through our stuff which will either be sold at an estate sale or fought over by descendants. Our houses, like our bodies, are only temporary tents in which we reside for a little while. Being too attached to material things can only breed anxiety. 

We can resist anxiety if we can be thankful just for today. Be thankful if just for today you have shelter from the elements and a place to sleep tonight. The Lord has provided.

More later.       

What Good is Anxiety?

My bank recently charged me a $5.00 dormant account fee. I have this account that I've done nothing with for at least six months. I'm glad my blog service doesn't charge me a dormant account fee since I haven't posted anything here for well over a month. I keep recommitting to this blog, but then life gets crazy again and I start neglecting it.

Some major life transitions over the last few months have kept me sidetracked as I've worked to reacclimate my entire life. I've had a case of writer's block the last several weeks as I deal with some potentially anxiety-producing issues. But the good news is that I don't feel that much anxiety. Sure, I have my moments. But overall I'm doing pretty well. I'd like to believe that it's at least in part due to spiritual growth.

The longer I walk with God, and the more I go through, the more I ask, "What good is anxiety?" I'm sure you've had life experiences in which you felt that the rug had been pulled out from under you. It seemed as if everything came crashing down. I've had my share of sleepless nights through the years. In times past, even in recent weeks, anxiety has made me physically ill.

When past experiences have thrown my life into chaos, I've felt like one of the psalmists, crying out to God in lament, asking "Why?" or "How long?" I have grovelled before God with my face to the ground begging for change or relief. It can be both biblical and healthy to live through experiences that force you to wrestle with God. If you've ever shaken your fist at heaven, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. You're in good company with the psalmists and prophets as you process your faith.

There may again be a time that I find myself desperate and on my face before God. But right now I'm trusting in his faithfulness. That doesn't mean I'm assured of outcomes that I would have ordered. But I trust God in spite of outcomes. Faith simply cannot depend on how well we perceive our lives to be going.

I know that the presence of God is with me regardless of my circumstances. And I know that in his wisdom, he will work all things for good. So what good is anxiety? Paul said, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).

Scripture is clear that anxiety is only overcome by faith. This means trusting in God's faithfulness. I think spiritual growth means finally getting to the place where joy is found in the very presence of God and is not dependant on circumstances. Then we can say with Paul, "I have learned to be content, whatever the circumstances" (Philippians 4:11).